The Sovereignty of "No": Setting Emotional Boundaries and choosing the Right Photographer
You want your friends and family to support you and all of your wedding decisions. (Prospect Park Picnic House)
When it comes to planning your NYC or Brooklyn wedding, the choices are endless. This is why it’s essential to listen to your heart and say no to everything except for the things that work for you. Here are some tips for making your wedding about the healthiest most self-actualized part of you.
It’s hard to cut through the noise when you have so many choices to make, and so many people to answer to. But at the core, your wedding is an event to fully enjoy. It is a document and testament to one of the most heartfelt and memorable days of your life. Instead of asking, how do I plan my wedding to please everyone, the question could be, how do I customize my wedding to create a day that fulfills me. Because chances are, that day will be the one everyone else loves most too.
When it comes to photography, the choice is yours. I have very strong opinions though. People who hire me believe it’s not meant to look like an editorial shoot or a Tik Tok trend devoid of human emotion and full of vendor list tags and sterile images. I’ve been doing this for decades and when I participate in wedding shows or expos, I can almost always tell who will walk by without noticing me and who will stop in their tracks.
They notice the documentary-style, feeling and heart behind the images.
Whether it’s an intimate Brooklyn wedding or a downtown 20k plus luxury photo package, my goal is to embrace the moment with my camera. In addition to the fanciness and ultimate pomp and circumstance, however you choose to craft it, my goal is to capture the emotion and the love.
This Brooklyn wedding at the Prospect Park Picnic House was a thousand percent natural, authentic and true to the couple. The bride said no to makeup and hair styling. The groom said no to a raucous pre-wedding bachelor party. But they said yes to true love, fun, music, family, friends, celebration, and Brooklyn! I’m so thankful I got to take pictures and video for this perfect wedding. The Shul Band and the wedding planner helped make it all happen. The couple was thrilled with the wedding and pictures and videos.
Hopefully after the day, you'll remember the most meaningful details and have them in your photo gallery: your grandmother's sweet smile as you walk down the aisle; the funny thing your officiant said during the ceremony that made everyone laugh and was the ultimate stress reliever; and the feeling of everyone you love gathered together in one room.
A wedding is one of the few remaining rituals in modern life. Done thoughtfully, it can become more than a party. It can become a healing practice.
I've photographed weddings throughout New York, New Jersey, and the Hudson Valley for decades. The weddings that stay with me aren't necessarily the most expensive. They're the ones where couples use the occasion intentionally. Weddings can repair relationships, strengthen family bonds, honor loved ones, and create a meaningful transition into married life.
Wedding Ceremony Prospect Park Picnic House
She Said “No”
You will have so much more fun and find emotions you never knew you had if you just relax and feel the power in saying no. No to anything you don’t want at your wedding. My clients say no to overly posed and overly photoshopped pictures. They say no to extensive formal shot lists that take up too much time. They say no to artificial lighting such as a spotlight backlighting the couple on the dance floor or outside, and opt for the lighting that their venue custom curated for them. My couples want to maintain the candle lit vibe, the dappled sunlight, the streams of sun through stained glass windows, and the natural laughter and poses from their guests. They aren’t looking for perfection, they’re looking for a testament and document of their life and who they really are.
What do photographers actually give you and how can you make it an actual healing process for you and your wedding day?
There’s nothing more liberating than telling your mom that you’d rather have a Brooklyn wedding with 75 guests than a larger wedding in your hometown. Or telling your family that you’d rather have a wedding in your parents’ back yard than at a golf club. Lean on your photographer to help plan. I know some of you have planners. But over the years I’ve acted as a support and confidant and a facilitator for planning your dream wedding.
How your Photographer can help with wedding planning
A lot of your wedding satisfaction has to do with the photography flow of the day. For instance, many planners and photographers want you to take formal pictures before the wedding ceremony or during the cocktail hour. This is a dedicated time where a large number of family and guests have to drop everything and pose for an extended photo shoot. Many photographers would just say you must get it done, but if it’s during the cocktail hour, it will cut into valuable time. so when should you do it?
A seasoned photographer will listen to your needs, your boundaries.
The above wedding couple listened to nobody. It was in a gorgeous private club in NYC and the couple didn’t know whether they would be permitted to take photographs in the library or the rooftop. We were randomly approached by the manager, and he escorted us without any prior plans. They didn’t have a list. And if they did, they would have had to shorten the list in order to get these shots. Flexibility is key.
My couples love that I spend so much time with them to create a highly curated shot list but what they appreciate more is that I always have a plan B. And that is usually what ends up happening. Because of life.
For example, often in Brooklyn especially due to traffic and transit delays, someone in the wedding party is late. My plan B is to do the bridal party shots outside after sunset. My couples often need to get some fresh air and go outside during the reception. Bringing friends for a sunset photo shoot with the couple followed by a friends shoot makes it playful and festive.
